Transition Period

I remember when Aidan was first born and the weekend came - after working Monday to Friday for a few years, I subconsciously assumed that I would be sleeping in on Saturday, even with a baby. This did not happen. I remember thinking, "Oh, right, I don't get to sleep in anymore" but even then it hadn't really hit me. It is only recently that I've started to realize that I don't get to quit this job....ever.....

As all moms know, taking care of a child is extremely tiring and draining. I'm beginning to realize more and more just how draining and tiring it is. I used to think that if I could figure out a way to make money and stay at home, I'd be happy and relaxed. HAHAHA I am home right now and definitely not relaxed! Then I kept thinking that if I go back to work, then life would get easier. I would get out of the house and have a break, but now I realize how difficult that would be.

So, the bottom line is, I've come to the realization that being a mom is a lot of work, no matter what you do. I can take a break now and then, go out for dinner with friends or get some exercise while someone else watches Aidan, but I am always, always the mom. A little while ago, Mike and I went out for drinks and decided to leave Aidan with Mike's sister for the night. I thought this would be a great break for us, and that we might even sleep in. I didn't realize the separation anxiety I would feel. When we got home at midnight and went to bed, I wanted to peek in at our sleeping son but he wasn't there. I woke up at 5am and kept wondering if he was awake yet and when Linda would be bringing him down. So much for a break! I wonder if all moms feel this way when they are away from their child and if this lessens as their baby gets older?

Aidan has slept through the night more or less since he was 3 months old, usually about 12 hours. But do I sleep through the night? Why is it that becoming a mom permeates your life so much that you can't relax, even when you're sleeping? Hopefully I'll figure out a better balance as time goes on, because I am exhausted these days.

Last Post Ever?

I had a job interview two days ago and it made me realize - my maternity leave is almost over! I still have 2 months, but I know the time will fly by and I can guarantee I will not be writing a blog nearly as often once I start working (and I don't write too often now so.....pretty much never is how often I'll write in the future). I've also applied for a few jobs in Nova Scotia so who knows, I may be moving home over the summer. The competition is stiff here in Calgary for teachers this year. The position I interviewed for had almost 200 applicants, and it's the only interview I've had so far so I figure I may as well apply for some jobs at home before my Nova Scotia teaching license expires!

Anyway, I guess this blog is supposed to be about Aidan. He is definitely improving his crawling skills but still gets frustrated when he can't quite make it work. He also gets lazy and will stop trying if he finds a toy closer to him than the one he was going for (lazy....does he get that from his mom??) His fav time of the day is still bath time, but now he splashes like a mad man and I get soaked from sitting beside the tub. No more reading the paper while he chills in the bath - he ruins it with his splashing! You can see in the pic how turbulent the water is, and his look of concentration while he kicks with all his might. Little soccer player in the making?

After typing this (above) I realize it's kind of boring...since there's nothing really too exciting to share, I'll just leave you with those 2 pics of my son and post again when there's a new adventure or an interesting topic that comes to mind. Have a great week :)

This, that, the other

Yesterday morning Aidan had his first (and hopefully last!) visit to the Children's Hospital here in Calgary. The hospital is really beautiful and he loved looking at everything. At his Dr's appt the other day, his doctor noticed that his fat rolls at the top of his legs were not the same size on both legs. Apparently this is one of the warning signs for hip dysplasia so she wanted him to get an x-ray to make sure. I'm not too worried about it yet, but hopefully I get a call soon that everything is okay! The staff at the hospital were so nice, quite a contrast to my experiences at Foothills hospital when I've gone to visit my sister. We only waited about 5 minutes. Aidan did great, and smiled at everyone the whole time. Here are a couple of pics of him at the hospital while we waited. I wanted to take a pic of him on the x-ray table but I thought the techs wouldn't appreciate it.

That's the one comment I always get about Aidan, "He sure looks happy today" or "What a happy baby!" I used to be a tad jealous (sometimes a lot jealous, okay?) when my sister and I would be out in public and they'd say to her "Ohhh, what a cute baby", "He's just adorable!", "Look at him, he's so precious" etc etc while saying nothing to me about my baby (really, don't you think that's a tad rude?) and to this day I rarely hear, "Oh, he's so cute" when we're out but I do get a LOT of "What a happy baby" and I guess in life it's better to be happy than good looking, right? I credit one thing and one thing only to his happiness - The Schedule. Which brings me to a problem that has me slightly panicky...I've lost the book that has The Sched in it. It has I think 4 different schedules - birth to 4 months, 4 to 9 months, 9 to 12 months, and definitely another one but I forget the exact ages. I seriously base Aidan's life on The Sched and it's going to change in another 6 weeks or so....and I don't have the book to tell me what to do! Now, he doesn't always nap for as long as he's supposed to or at exactly the right times, but I definitely use this book as my guide. It was published in the 60's so I can't just go get it at Chapters, I had to order it from Amazon.com (not even Amazon.ca because for some reason Canadian Amazon wants $45 for this book so even with the shipping Amazon.com was the way to). If I don't find it soon, I will have to order another one, or else my happy baby may not be so happy. I am nothing without this book!

Okay, so enough about that. Except one last thing - I will give you a reward if you find my book for me. Okay, so actually moving on now. After the hospital fun, we went for a visit to Aunt Natasha's to see cousin Isaac. The boys got to see eachother for a few minutes, but they are pretty much opposite schedule's for nap/wake time so they didn't get to play for very long. Here's Aidan at Tash and Ryan's trying some cheerios. He's still learning how to grasp food and get it into his mouth but I think he managed to eat a few and their dog, Whisper, managed to eat a lot more.

One last pic - the weather here has been pretty bad but the other day was finally nice enough to go for a walk. Here's Aidan getting ready to go and loving his life.

That's it for now, hope everyone has a great weekend :)

On the move!

So not too long ago, Aidan started getting up on all fours and rocking. Since he has a slightly older cousin, I'd seen this move fairly recently and I knew what it meant - crawling soon! I rushed out (as in took my sweet time) to get baby proofing items so as not to have another "falling-off-the-bed" incident. He is by no means an expert at getting around, but gone are the days where I can lay him somewhere and find him in generally the same spot a few minutes later.

In other news, I got the Dr's okay to start giving him finger foods. I can't WAIT for him to feed himself, so here are a few pics of me trying to get him to do all the work while I sit back and relax. Hey, anything that makes Mom's life easier, right?

That's it for now - Aidan's playing around on the floor and I'm going to join him :)

Sharing the bad news with the world

So I can't post any pics for this post because I had to delete my hard drive and reload windows so I've lost some pictures because....my computer got a virus, a terrible terrible virus. In fact, I cleared the hard drive (took about 8 hours) and reloaded windows and somehow the virus is still there. A few months ago we paid $135 to get the virus removed and the computer fixed and, since the laptop is almost 4 years old and the screen is going I don't really feel like spending another $135 when I could just buy a new one for not too much.

So, back to exciting things about Aidan. He had his first camping trip this past weekend and he loved it. He really enjoys being outside (as most babies do) so it was no surprise that he was happy for most of the time. His favourite things - staring at the fire and listening for dirt bikes and quads so he could watch them go by. I was really impressed with his sleeping, too. He slept for over 12 hours that night, despite the partying and bike riding going on all night. Napping was another issue, but we only stayed for one night so he quickly caught up on his sleep when we got home.

That's it for now - Desperate Housewives is on and Aidan is napping so I'd better enjoy my free time....maternity leave ends before I know it!

The Dayhome Search

So, even though I don't technically have a job, I thought I should start a dayhome search for September. This is not a fun experience, for those of you that were wondering. It's kind of fun looking up dayhomes and sending out e-mails, even meeting with the moms, but the idea of leaving my son anywhere but with me makes me want to cry. So far I've met with four ladies and there was only one that I am considering. For some reason I thought all moms running dayhomes would just be awesome. And they were all "okay"......but I want someone who's even better than I am, if that's possible ;) I'm going to check out two more today, just to confirm that most of them suck, and then I'll likely go with the best of the evils......

In the back of my mind, I'm still considering serving every night so I can be home in the day. I know this isn't the best option, but I really cannot imagine leaving my little guy every single day. How do all the moms out there do it? How do you not cry the whole way to work? I guess you get used to it.

I had Aidan's photos taken so I'll share one with you.

I think this was before he started teething - he can be quite fussy lately. I've started giving him tylenol when he seems like he's in pain and it actually really seems to help. Anyone have any other teething remedies that worked for them?

Oh, I wanted to give an update on my workout progress. I've done 4 days of level 2, which is WAAAAY harder than level 1. I took one day off (well, I've taken 2 days off in the past 2 weeks) but I'm finding it harder to stay motivated because the workout is such a killer I'd just rather not do it. I really pushed myself on day 3 and it was the closest to tears I'd ever been while working out. So day 4 I did the modified moves (barely)....I'm just not seeing any progress with this level and not finding it any easier even though I've done it 4 times. I guess I should just give up ;)

Bad Mother Post

So you know how moms (irresponsible ones, that is) have stories about how their children fell down the stairs, fell out of their car seats, etc when they were babies? Every time I heard one of those stories my thoughts were, "How can you admit that to people? How could you let that happen? How could you be so careless?" Well, on Sunday, I became one of those mothers.

Since Aidan was born, I have been changing him on the floor. I rarely leave him unattended for more than a few moments, and I thought I knew how to do all the "right" things to keep my son safe.

On Sunday, I was putting away my laundry and Aidan was happily watching from my bed. Now, I know Aidan can roll, but his feet were facing the edge of the bed and he would have had to turn his body 90 degrees and THEN roll to fall off the bed. Apparently I underestimated the speed with which he can move. I smiled at him and turned to put some clothes in the dresser. In that split second of turning, I heard the loudest thud that's ever been made, followed by the loudest wail Aidan has ever cried.

I turned around, and Aidan was not on the bed! Danielle (my sister) came running upstairs, thinking the thud had been a dresser or something falling on Aidan, it was that loud. He was on the floor, on his back...at least he hadn't landed face first (I think that would be worse?). I picked him up and tried to console him. Danielle found the number for health link, a 24 hour number that lets you talk to nurses who will assess non-emergency situations. I immediately nursed Aidan, since this usually calms him down and it was time to eat anyway. While I was on hold, I started wondering if I should call 911. It felt like I was on hold forEVER. When I finally got through, about 12 minutes later, Aidan had finished eating and was happy - babbling and smiling. The nurse asked me a few assessment questions and determined Aidan was probably fine, but that I should check on him every 30 minutes to make sure he was alive (that's not actually what she said).

Aidan had a doctor's appointment on Tuesday and my doctor told me about how she, as a doctor, had to bring her 9 month old to the children's hospital after she had fallen down the stairs. This made me feel somewhat better, but I still feel like a pretty bad mom. There was no need for me to have Aidan on the bed. I wish I had just had him on the floor. I really thought only terrible moms let their children fall, and maybe that makes me a terrible mom, but I actually think it can happen waaaaaaaay faster than most people think so be careful, mommas!

And, of course, to complete the blog - a picture of Aidan with pants on his head.

Quick (or not so quick?) Update

Random - so being home a lot, some days I end up watching more TV than I usually would. Sometimes I watch The Doctors, even though I occasionally disagree with some things they say. Yesterday I had the TV on Cosmo when The Bachelor came on. Where have I been, I never knew Dr Travis was a bachelor a few years ago.....it really made me look at him differently. If I had a job, maybe I wouldn't be putting any thought into this at all.....

So I'm on day 8 of Jillian's 30 Day Shred and it's definitely getting way easier. I'm ready for level 2 (there are 3 levels) but I'm going to do level 1 for 2 more days so that I'm doing 10 days of each. My body feels stronger and my endurance is up so I'm definitely glad I'm doing it! And it's such a short (yet high intensity) workout that I can squeeze it in while Aidan naps and still have time to shower. I'm loving it.

So we discovered the cause of Aidan's nightly screams - he has a mild ear infection (as well as teething). For all you mommies not "in the know" (like me) apparently after babies get a cold they are likely to get an ear infection so beware! I broke out the humidifier again and that seems to be helping a lot as well as tylenol. I hope it clears up on its own. Aidan is back to 12 hour sleeps and Mommy is loving it.

I think that's it for updates. Here are a few recent pictures.

Going to watch Daddy and Aunt Linda play baseball (it actually didn't go so well, he got pretty fussy)

Wearing my raccoon hat from Grandma.

Trying to use a spoon myself but putting the wrong end in my mouth.

Playing with Mommy :)

Having dinner at Montanas with Mom, Dad, and Aunt Danielle (he was pretty good for the beginning but, as you can tell by the soother, he got fussy towards the end)

Physical Journey

So I've posted before about how I joined a Mommy and Baby fitness class. This class jump-started my desire to workout even more and I am now doing Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred. I had my class on Monday and on Tuesday I did Tae bo (a Billy Blanks DVD we have). My sister Danielle has been staying with me, and she told me she had this Jillian Michael's workout DVD that she wanted to start. It's only 20 minutes (well, it's actually a bit more with the warm up and cool down) so I thought, "how hard can it be?"

I decided to try it Wednesday. Let me tell you, I realized that I am REALLY out of shape after just the warm-up. As the warm-up ended, and she said "We're ready to begin" I was like "BEGIN!?!? Haven't we started already?" and I definitely thought I was going to pass out a time or two. The second day, Thursday, was definitely easier but I've still felt like crying towards the end pretty much every day.

So you're supposed to do this video for 30 days straight. I'm on day 5 and I have to say I already feel so much better. The video is so short that I know I can squeeze it in during Aidan's morning nap, but I sweat and feel like it's the best workout I've ever had. When I think back to myself running on the elliptical and going for walks, thinking that was "exercise", I was kidding myself. I can't wait to see how I look after 30 days. Only 25 more to go!

Anyone out there have an exercise video to recommend? I think I'm going to stick with this one because it's such a good total workout (it combines cardio, weights, and ab exercises) but if anyone has had a great experience with getting back into shape I'd love to hear how you did it.

I was considering posting a "before" pic of myself but....I think you guys can just picture a flabby tummy and cellulite-filled tush for yourselves ;)

New Sleep Pattern?

So it's 10am and I'm exhausted. For 2 nights, Aidan didn't fall asleep until close to 9pm. He was still sleeping until 7-7:30am and napping as usual so I wasn't too concerned. Last night, however, it got even worse and now I'm not sure what's going on.

I figured he was over tired from his late nights the previous two evenings, so I put him down about 6:30pm and he fell asleep. I relaxed, poured a glass of wine, and watched one of my fav shows - Law and Order SVU as well as a repeat of Lost which happened to be the only one I had missed this season while I was in Florida so all in all, the night was going well.

Around 8pm (just as Lost was ending - perfect timing), I heard Aidan crying. As I entered the room my nose detected that unmistakable odour. I had a plan of action - do not make eye contact, do not speak, just change the diaper and get out. Hopefully he would go back to sleep. I was wrong.

Aidan would be quiet, or be talking to himself happily, and then all of a sudden break out into wails. I'm really not sure why. I'd go in, flip him onto his back, and plug his mouth with a soother. 15-20 minutes later, the wailing started again. Finally around 9pm I fed him again. He ate and I really thought that was the end of the screams - not so.

At 10pm, still crying, I went in again. He was rubbing his eyes like crazy and turning his tired head from side to side. Mike ended up holding him until almost 10:30pm, when he passed out for the night. My sister commented, "At least he'll probably sleep in" but I knew better.

**************************

Elapsed time - 7.5 hours. Mike is talking to me (or is it a dream?), "Katrina, I think Aidan is awake". Me - "Like awake awake or just making noise?" My question is answered with a wail coming from Aidan's room. I think he might go back to sleep so I go in to re-soother him. As soon as he sees me, his screams get louder. So much for going back to sleep. I bring him into our bed (a bad habit and one I said I'd NEVER do, but here I am doing it. Not often, but still....) and rub his head for a while, hoping he'll dose off. He doesn't. Eventually, at 7am, I feed him breakfast. I know he's tired but I'm not sure how to make sure he stays on a good nap schedule. At 8am I put him down for a nap, and I go for one, too. He only sleeps for an hour.

So here we are. I want to get Aidan back on track - he was sleeping so well - but I'm not sure what the problem is. I was thinking maybe he just needs to eat more in the day and is having a hard time sleeping because he's going through a growth spurt. I already fed him twice today (a morning snack, which he doesn't normally have) and I'm going to try to load him up at lunch and dinner, as well as an afternoon snack (sometimes his snacks are breast milk, but whatever high calorie "food" he can get will work I think).

If any experienced moms out there have advice about this issue happening around 6 months, please let me know! I want my good sleeper back!

Just a test

This is a test - I'm trying to post my blog in facebook so we'll see if it works!

New Post

So today won't be about anything in particular, I just thought I should write a new post to keep my fan base interested ;)



It seems I am now able to upload pics so here's a cute one (maybe I'm biased) of Aidan after getting food on his hand and then rubbing it on his face.







Tonight when I was feeding him, he kept grabbing the spoon and trying to put it in his mouth himself. I'm wondering when your kids started feeding themselves? I want to try it, even though it's messy, but I'm not sure when to expect him to be ready.

I had Aidan's portraits done on Sunday. He smiled the whole time and I can't wait until I get them back. For now here's a home-taken pic of him and I.



That's it for today. New post likely to come tomorrow since I hardly talked about anything today!

Dietitian, Mom and Baby Yoga

Another 2 topic post, man you guys are lucky.

Everyone knows the combo of pregnancy and loving food (as well as being a little lazy) can cause problems with that once girlish figure. A few weeks ago, I decided that I would count calories. I did an online calculator that takes into account age, weight, gender, etc and it said I should eat 1500 calories per day to lose a pound a week. After 2 days of that, I decided to up it to 1700 since I'm still nursing (but not nursing full time since Aidan is also eating real food). I thought that was a lot of calories, but I was surprisingly VERY cranky on that amount. After a few days, I just pigged out on junk because I couldn't take it anymore.

With time on my hands, I looked into what Michael's group insurance from work has to offer. I was surprised to find out that a registered dietitian is covered, up to $400 for each of us per year. I figured, since it's free, I may as well take advantage. I searched for a registered dietition in my area that specializes in post-natal nutrition as well as infant nutrition, since I had a few questions about Aidan.

The cost of the home visit was $125 for one hour. I'll just say, I'm glad it was covered by insurance and I can't believe people actually pay that much. I learned a few things that I didn't know before, but mostly you could just google it all (vitamin C to help absorb iron, eat lots of fibre, fruits, and veggies) if you didn't know it already. It was worth doing for me since it was covered, but unless you're clueless when it comes to nutrition, I don't recommend spending your own cash that could be better spent on new clothes that fit your new body :)

Topic #2 - Mom and Baby Yoga

I haven't done too much yoga, but I've mostly enjoyed the relaxation aspect. How can yoga be peaceful when everyone brings their babies? What was I thinking? I couldn't even do everything because I kept having to tend to Aidan. At the end, we did a sing time with baby instead of clearing our own minds. The class also ends at 3:30pm so I end up driving home right at the start of rush hour traffic. At the end of the class, the instructor said, "Don't give up, every week is different. Some moms don't come back because they get frustrated, but each class is a new class". Had she read my mind? I'd way rather take a regular yoga class and find a sitter for Aidan, or leave him at the babysitting service at the fitness centre. I'll most likely drop the class...but now I feel bad because the instructor told me not to.

One last mini-topic. I waited about a year before printing photos to put in an album and ended up printing like 3000 pictures. I'm trying to go through my pics from the past 4 months but I find it very difficult...any other new moms relate? I might have 450 pictures of Aidan in the bathtub, but I just can't choose which ones to delete. Another 300 pics of him in his exersaucer, etc. Choosing pictures to print has never been so difficult.

That's it for today! Again, seem to be unable to upload pics so it's just another wordy blog.

Mommy and Me Fitness, Vaccinations

Two topics to discuss today. First of all, I started a fitness class on Monday. I picked classes that work around Aidan's feed nap times so, while he napped, I searched through my closet to find workout clothes that fit (isn't it sad when some of your sweats are too small?). I settled on some shorts that aren't quite as loose as they used to be and a tank that I recently bought so definitely fit. I packed Aidan's bag, he woke up around 10am and off we went.

The class started with some easy warm-ups. Great for me (and probably others) because I wouldn't be ready for anything to hardcore right off the bat. We did a few strength exercises, lunges, and squats. The good thing about the class is, unlike at home, I can't really just stop because I get tired. The first class wasn't too hard but I definitely sweat and felt the burn the next day from the light weight lifting we did. I didn't get a chance to talk much to the other moms (most babes, including my own, were pretty cranky by the end so we pretty much ran out of there) but everyone seemed pretty nice and obviously we all have at least a few things in common - we're all moms who aren't happy with our bodies (haha.....)

I don't have a pic of us there, but today I start Mommy and Me Yoga so I'll get my sis to snap a shot of us before we go. I'm looking forward to this class. I haven't really done anything besides prenatal yoga so I have a feeling this is going to be a bit more challenging than what I've done before. I think I'm going to miss the days of getting on all fours, pretending my belly is a hammock, "rocking" me baby back and forth, and pretending that was a workout. I'll let you guys know how the yoga goes! The only "real" yoga I did a few years ago I kept falling over and ended up leaving half way through the class because I felt like such an idiot so hopefully that doesn't happen this time.

Insert random shot of Aidan on the swing:
Never mind, the image uploader doesn't seem to be working? Maybe I'll do an all photo blog later today.


Second topic - Aidan got his 6 month shots yesterday. I don't know about the rest of you, but taking my baby for his shots is probably more traumatizing for me than it is for him. That morning, as he happily played, I felt horrible looking at him - he was so oblivious as to what was going to happen to him later, so trusting that I would make his day as fun as possible and protect him from pain.

When we got there, Aidan smiled and squirmed for the nurse, so happy and unaware. As we waited, I could hear babies screaming all around me (from behind closed doors) and almost broke down in tears right then and there. As a woman left one of the rooms holding her son, red-faced with tears streaming down his face, I wanted to take Aidan and run. But I didn't, and we went into the torture room.

The last 2 times Aidan got his shots, I nursed him right after and he immediately calmed down. I decided to do that this time, as well (not sure what I'm going to do when he's 5) and it worked! Hardly any crying. Just needle prick, scream, pop out boob, done! By the time we left, Aidan was smiling and slapping his legs at strangers in the elevator. And I didn't cry at all! I will tell you this, though, I am definitely making Mike take him next time.

One last thing - I found out Aidan weighs almost 20 lbs (19 lbs, 9 oz) so no wonder my arms and back are sore all the time. I thought babies were supposed to triple their weight in the first year, not the first 6 months! He is also 28 1/2 inches which means he is 1/2 an inch away from needing a new car seat. I lamented about this to the nurse. She looked at me and said, "Well, look at you, you're tall. And how tall is your husband?" "6'3"...." "Well, what did you expect?" It's true, I knew Aidan would be tall, but I had no concept of how tall babies are or of having to spend $200+ on a car seat so soon after buying one of those travel systems (stroller with an infant seat) . Any moms of older tots have suggestions for a good car seat that won't make me broke? I've been putting it off but I'd say I definitely need to get one within the next few weeks.

That's all for now :)

Mommy Fashion - All About Me :)

This blog is going to be all about me and my problems - Someone nominate me for What Not to Wear, please!

I've always had a hard time with fashion. I want to look nice, but not really follow trends, but I have a hard time putting pieces together that look flattering and, when it comes to work, appropriate. Through the years my "best" pieces have most often been hand-me-downs from friends.

Over the past few months, I have been struggling with my "look" for a few reasons.
1) I have gained quite a bit of weight and just can't fit into my old clothes. I finally packed everything up and gave it away instead of holding onto the hope that I would one day fit back into them. But that's not the only reason I gave away those clothes.....
2) Mommy/married look - now that I'm married AND a mom, I feel like I should dress fairly conservatively. I still want to look nice, not like a sloppy mom (although I'm pretty sure that's my look most of the time these days) but I'm not sure how to pull this off. There's another reason I gave away all those too small/semi-slutty clothes....
3) Age appropriate - not only am I a mom now, I'm also pushing 30. I don't think some of those cute tops I had are appropriate for me anymore. Plus I now have "mom-cleavage" (which I guess is better than what I had before - no cleavage) so the lower cut stuff just does NOT look good at all.

Now that the early days of no sleep and living in sweatpants are over (or are they....) I really want to start picking up some clothes that look good and make me feel good. Money is an issue, of course, but the bigger issue is I don't know how to dress. This isn't that big of a deal right now, but in a few months I (hopefully) will have some job interviews and be making my way back into a classroom. I'm pretty sure I can't wear sweats to work, even on casual Fridays, so I really need to start picking up some things here and there. The only dress pants I have that fit are maternity. I wish I knew how to get help.

The last concern - hair. At first I wanted to cut it all off just because I didn't have the time to wash it, let alone style it. Now I want to because Aidan is starting to yank on it. I don't want The Mommy Cut, but I want to update this boring look I have. I guess the bottom line is, with a few extra pounds on me, I need my clothes and hair to look as good as possible to help boost my self-esteem!

Any other new moms struggling with finding a new look for themselves? Or did you just keep your old clothes and fit right back into them, no problem (jealous....)?

The Scoop on Poop

This one is for Moms Only - unless you enjoy reading about infant poop or if you want to be prepared for when you have your own baby poop to deal with!

I had no idea that Aidan's poop would be an issue in my life, other than having to change his dirty diapers. I didn't realize that there are common concerns that many new moms have when it comes to the bowel movements of their babies.

As a newborn, Aidan had that "pleasant" newborn poop that is yellow and mustardy. Since he was breastfed, it didn't even smell bad (I say this because the diapers of the formula-fed babies I've changed have been way more gross.....more brown and smelly). He fed about 8 times a day and pooped about 8 times a day. I assumed he would always poop every time he ate. At about 2 months old, a day came where he ate and then didn't poop. Okay, kind of weird, but not that big of a deal. Next feed came - still no poop. I was getting a little concerned and asked around. I also checked with my "What to Expect - The First Year". I found out that breastfed babies (maybe all babies?) can suddenly go from 5-8 poops a day to 1 a day or every few days. It's not a gradual change, it just suddenly switches from many poops to hardly any.

I remember the date, since it was Mike's work Christmas party. On December 18th, my mom watched Aidan for us so I could go to Mike's party with him. He hadn't pooped all day so I was confident that my mom would deal with the Gross Diaper. We got home around midnight and heard Aidan making noises from his room. When I went in to see him, I realized he had pooped the mother of all poops. I asked my mom to change it but she wouldn't! Instead she laughed and laughed and took pictures of me changing Aidan's huge disgusting full diaper. I will not post those pictures. Aidan was only enjoying himself, laughing and laughing. To this day, he often will be a bit fussy before a poop and then be quite pleased with himself once it's out of him.

So far, the poop changes were positive. Although there'd be a bit more coming out of him, it happened a lot less often so diaper duty wasn't as bad. But then.....he started eating solids.....

At first I fed Aidan rice cereal sporadically, not even every day. I didn't notice a change in his poop - it was still mustardy and non-stinky. About a week ago, I started feeding him lunch and dinner every day and trying different foods (carrots, peas, chicken, etc). All of a sudden, his poops changed from milky smelly to hold-your-nose man poops. And they sometimes take the colour of the food he has eaten. Gone are the days where I didn't mind changing his butt....it's now gross every time. I'm going to start potty training him as soon as he can walk, I will not change these "real" poops for any longer than I have to. Anyone have any potty training tips? I'd start him now if I could......

So there is my baby poop experience. Someday, when Aidan is older, I'm sure he'll be glad to know that his poop life was shared with all my friends. Hope you enjoyed :)

Turn off the baby monitor

If I've mentioned anything about this topic, please forgive me, but I thought this was a topic I should share with future moms.

Before Aidan was born, I had decided I probably wouldn't use a monitor. I didn't even buy one. I had read/heard too many stories about moms running to respond to every little noise they hear on the monitor and, let's face it, that's just not my style. But I was afraid that if I could hear him, my mommy instinct would kick in and I would be running to his side constantly.

When we brought Aidan home, we kept him in a basinette beside our bed. I ended up moving in the rocker as well and set up camp in my room. It's safe to say that I basically lived in my bedroom - cable TV, ensuite bathroom, what more did I need? Shortly after Aidan was born, I realized that I needed a monitor for when he was napping. Although I made myself at home in our bedroom, there were occasions that I had to hed to the kitchen for a snack (okay, many occasions) and sometimes, if Aidan were napping, I wanted to just leave him in our room. I spent probably an hour at Sears looking at the different monitors and comparing their features. I finally decided on one that had a portable receiver and a mute option with a screen that showed the volume of the sound. This mute option helped a lot during the cry-it-out time. The remote also had a sensitivity option that allowed the receiver to be sound-sensitive, only turning on if Aidan made a sound, and I could pick how loud of a sound. Perfect!

The monitor was perfect for when Aidan was napping. I would exercise or even just watch TV (more likely) without having to stop and mute the TV to hear if he was crying. So far, so good. (insert random picture of Aidan and I)

I don't know why, but for some reason I had in my head that Aidan would sleep in our room for the first few months. I didn't know that Aidan would grunt in his sleep. He doesn't do it anymore, and I'm not sure why he ever did, but when he was first born he would grunt in his sleep for up to an hour straight - loudly. Okay, time to move to the big boy crib. At about 3 weeks old, Aidan left our bedroom. I thought the transition would be hard for him, but it didn't seem to make a difference, he still slept for up to 3 hours in a row! (I do NOT miss those days....not at all). Because I still had to get up through the night to nurse, I left the monitor on "sensitive" so that it would kick on if he made a loud noise. Oh wait, those GRUNTS are loud. But still, I lived with it so that I wouldn't sleep through his nursing needs.

As those of you that have read my blog know, Aidan went through a crying phase. One night, Aidan was crying his eyes out in his room, on the second floor, when I went down to the basement to get away (aka do laundry). In the basement, I could still hear him screaming. That was the last time I used the monitor at night. I realized if I could hear him from the basement, there was no way his screams wouldn't wake me up from across the hall. I think that decision helped us both get a better sleep.

Now I rarely use the monitor at all. Now and then I'll turn it on to see if he's fallen asleep yet, or if I think I hear him crying I'll turn it on to check that it's not a "phantom cry". My advice to other moms that are feeling stressed - just turn the monitor off. Allow yourself to be "off duty" now and then, or you just might go insane.

The End :)

Prayers

I know a few people read this so I want to ask you all to pray for my sister. She is really sick and I'm worried about her. Pray that God will help her to get better and give her strength. Thank you.

Aidan's First Cold

I should've seen this coming. Up until recently, Aidan has been protected from illness by the antibodies in my breastmilk. Now that he eats solids twice a day, he is not as protected. Within a week of starting this 2 meal schedule, he got sick.

Last night, Aidan woke up crying about 45 minutes after falling asleep. He fell back asleep easily so I wasn't too worried about it. He then woke up around 2:30am quite upset. He again calmed down easily, but I thought it was a little strange. When he woke up crying at 5am, I knew something was definitely wrong. His eyes seemed watery and mucus was dripping down his face from his nose but I thought it might just be from crying. I wasn't sure what the problem was, but I knew there was something because he hasn't woken up 3 times in one night since before "The Schedule".

Later on in the day, I noticed more mucus and crusty stuff around his nose. Overall, he still seems pretty happy so I am diagnosing this as a mild cold. I've propped up his mattress for the night and got the humidifier ready, so hopefully tonight's sleep will be a little better (for him AND me).

Even though he's a bit under the weather, we were still able to go to the park for some fun on the swings - his new favourite thing (even though it's probably where he picked up the cold!).

Update

When I first started writing this blog, I would write about specific topics. Now I'm just going to write about the random things that are happening in my life.

So I signed up for 2 mommy and baby exercise classes. Did you know that you get a tax credit for these classes because technically it's child fitness since your baby goes, too? Bonus! They start in about 2 weeks, so hopefully they will help me with my fitness goals. One is an aerobic class (on Mondays) and the other is Yoga (on Thursdays). I'll write about how they are in a few weeks. I also started (just yesterday) keeping track of how many calories I eat. I found that writing it down made me think twice when I wanted a snack. We'll see how this goes, too!


Right now I'm taking care of my nephew. I remember when I was pregnant thinking it would be cool to have twins - man, I had no clue. The boys are only 2 weeks apart so they pretty much do everything at the same time. On one hand, this is great because they both nap and I get a nice break. But when they both need to eat, I am screwed! This morning I nursed Aidan, holding him with one arm, while I held a bottle in his cousin's mouth with my free hand. I was able to prop him up across my leg to burp him. I was pretty impressed with myself. Overall it's going pretty well and the boys seem to enjoy being around each other, as much as 6 months old can enjoy that sort of thing. This experience is making me think a little harder about having a second child, although in the back of my mind I believe it will be easier since Aidan will be older. Any moms of two have any opinions on that? I'm not going to post any pics because my sis may not like her son's face being on my blog, but just use your imagination ;)

Aidan Rolls Over!

So, since I said I'd do a post called "Aidan rolls over", here it is. Aidan learned to roll over a few weeks ago while we were in Florida. He looked so cute and proud of himself. I was proud of him, too, but I also knew it was the beginning of the end. By that I mean, the end of the days where I could just set him on his back somewhere to play and go about my life knowing he is safe. I now have to keep a more consistent eye on him. Aidan loves to roll from his back to his belly, but doesn't know how to roll from his belly to his back (could this be due to lack of tummy time?). At first, he loves being on his belly, but often he begins to fuss and cry. I have to roll him back. As a mom, I'm not sure how often or how quickly I should "rescue" him from being on his belly, or how long I should let him fuss so he can learn to solve his own problems. I feel like if I keep rolling him over, he'll take longer to learn to do it for himself. Oh well, not that big of an issue but just thought I'd mention it.

In other news that is not Mommy related, Mike and I had a fun date last night. We went to dinner and then to a John Mayer concert. I really enjoyed it, even though I didn't know a lot of John Mayer's newer songs. The crowd seemed to be mostly young girls so I did feel a little old, but it was still fun. It's also nice to go out and realize I don't obsessively wonder what Aidan's doing anymore. I didn't even care what time he went to bed or if he ate, etc etc. I was just happy to be out enjoying myself.

Mind Numbing

I'm starting to lose my mind being a SAHM (that's stay at home mom for all those not in the know). At first I was too busy and sleep deprived to really think about it, but now that Aidan sleeps all night and has regular naps the monotony of my every day life is really starting to get to me.

Here is how my day has been so far:
7am - wake up to feed Aidan
7:30-8:30am - play with Aidan/watch him on his playmat while I drink coffee
8:30am - Aidan naps, I consider reading the paper but watch TV instead
9:30am - Aidan wakes up, I supervise his playtime while considering reading the paper but do an Aidan photo shoot instead
10:30 - Aidan's bath
11:00am - feed Aidan
11:30am - Aidan naps, I load the dishwasher and throw in a load of laundry and then discover that the cat threw up all over the carpet in the basement. I debate whether I should clean it up right away or make my lunch first. Is this what my life has come to?
12:00pm - I decide to have lunch first.
12:30pm - clean up barf
1:00pm - put on a rerun of Desperate Housewives and decide to write this blog. I have also put on another pot of coffee.

This is my life. Aidan will wake up, we'll go for a walk, I'll feed him, he'll nap again....I am going brain dead. I feel myself getting more and more stupid by the day. Going to Florida was a nice break - I got to be with my family and talk with people that actually talk back - but now I'm back to doing nothing and thinking pretty much nothing. I'm not sure how to fight this and get my brain back. The less I do, the less I want to do. The paper still sits unopened next to me, and it's hardly difficult reading.

A few months ago, I joined a Mommy and Me class, but it was still during the time that I was adjusting to life with Aidan. Plus, the class only met once a week for 4 weeks, hardly an ideal breeding ground for friendships. Now my socializing usually consists of conversing with the tables on serve on Saturday nights. Most of my friends actually have jobs and by the time the evening comes, I'm more interested in getting ready for bed then heading out for some fun. I'm not sure what the solution is, but I'm also not sure that I can take 5 more months of this.

Do any other SAHMs have advice for how to keep my brain from losing all ability to function beyond knowing how to properly change a diaper? I also don't know how to stay motivated. I want to have more productive days but I am also sinking into a funk where I can't find the motivation to do anything besides watch TV and play with Aidan. I feel like I have all this free time and I should be doing something with it...but what? I need help!

I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in these feelings, but I definitely feel isolated since I'm missing out on adult social contact!

Introducing Solids

Aidan is almost 6 months old and I can't put it off any longer - he's got to start eating "real" food. At first, this day seemed so far off. I remember my lactation consultant telling me how things would change around 6 months when Aidan started eating but that day seemed like it would never come, and now here we are.

I've gotten Aidan into a pretty good feeding routine, and now I'm nervous of what's going to happen. Not only do I have to prepare him food and clean it up, I'm also not sure when he should eat and how much he should have. It seems like as soon as I feel like I know what I'm doing, things change.

So far, I've given Aidan rice cereal several times. I think that's now going to become a once a day staple. He's had it every afternoon for the past 3 days and seems to love every second of it. I also tried giving him egg yolk yesterday, but I think that was a little too thick for him, even mixed with water. It's just weird because with nursing all I had to do was give him the boob. Now I actually have to put effort into making sure he's getting enough of the right foods. Well, so far it's just rice cereal, but I know it'll progress pretty quickly. I'm not sure if I should be giving him a sippy cup, too. And if I do, should I just give him formula since I'm too lazy to pump now? So much to think about....

I know this blog is kind of lame, but I thought I should write a quick one just to keep me motivated to write more. Stay tuned for the exciting blog "Aidan Rolls Over!" :)

Okay, it's not over...just delayed

As Jaymie pointed out, there is a lot more to write about, it's true. I've been on vacation with so much to do that I haven't wanted to write a blog at all! But I'm sure once I'm back to my boring life in AB, I'll have tons of time to write about life with baby. So stay tuned!

The End

I think it's safe to say that I won't be blogging anymore. It seems it was a brief lived obsession and now I've said all I have to say. Thanks to everyone for reading. Check back now and then if you want because you never know if I might have something I need to write about ;)

First Plane Ride

First of all, I want to say that I took lots of pictures of Aidan's first plane ride with my cell phone but I forgot the memory card converter so I can't post any until I could get back. Use your imagination :)

I thought I should be at the airport extra early, having been warned by my sister that it takes some time to push a stroller while pulling a luggage cart. When will I learn not to tell Mike that I want to be somewhere early? My flight was scheduled to leave at 12:10pm and at 7:30am Mike was asking if I was ready. Thankfully he let me wait until about 8:30am before we left, but I'm getting off track.

Aidan woke up around 6:30am. I fed him and he was back to sleep around 7:30am. He sometimes has his morning nap this early and sleeps until about 9am. He was napping in his swing so Mike could watch him while I got ready and I accidentally knocked into the swing around 8am, waking him up. "Crrrraaaaaaappp" (my thoughts), "Now Aidan is going to be super cranky all day because his nap was 30 minutes and we have to go soon!" I was slightly stressed. People without children cannot understand what a missed nap truly means. Maybe even people with uncranky children can't understand.

Anyway, Aidan fell asleep on the drive there (yessss!) at about 9am. His schedule was off, but whatever. I was just glad he was sleeping. Mike helped me load my things on a cart and came into the airport with me. The tricky part came after he left - because only ticketed passengers are allowed through the US security area, I had to push his stroller with one hand while pulling the luggage cart behind me the other hand. Originally when my sister told me about this technique, I thought I should try to pack less. Yeah, right. My living room is Aidan's amusement park and I don't know how I'm going to live without the toys I didn't bring, I crammed in as much as possible. Plus he needs cute outfits for all the fun things we're going to do. It wasn't that hard since the line moved kind of slowly, and Aidan was still sleeping!!! Joy! I couldn't believe it. He slept until I was through customs and up at my gate. Am I lucky or what??? It was amazing. But before you get too jealous, something bad is going to happen, don't worry.

So around 11am, Aidan wakes up. I'm so happy, he's had a total of 2 1/2 hours of sleep so even if he doesn't nap again he can't be THAT cranky. Aidan's happy, too. I want to hold him off on eating so I can feed him as the plane takes off but he hasn't eaten since 6:30am so I feed him at 11:30am. Wow, I am giving a really detailed account of the day...I may have to edit this down a little so it's not so boring.

So, Aidan is happy - rested and fed, what more could a baby want. I carry him over to the kiddie section in the seating area by the gate where there is a table with toys attached. I hold him so he can play with the toys. Here is where disaster comes....

Although Aidan is pretty good at holding his head up and keeping his balance, he's still a little wobbly. I was holding him around the waist, in front of the table, when WHACK he smacks his head on the side of the table. Obviously, he instantly begins to scream. I'm not too worried...I pick him up and try to calm him down. Until....I notice....HE HAS A CUT RIGHT BY HIS EYE!! I AM THE WORST MOM EVER!

I'm freaking out, it's about 5 minutes before I'm supposed to board and there is blood (not gushing blood, barely noticeable except to the trained mother's eye, but still...blood). I don't know if I should clean him up or get it checked or what I should do (I guess I'm not that trained of a mother....) so I go over to the desk where the westjet staff are sitting. "Um, excuse me...." A lady employee turns to me. "Can I help you?" She asks. "Ummm...I just...I..not sure" I can't even speak, I break down in tears. I show her the cut and I'm sure she thinks I'm a psychotic over protective mother. Looking back, I can't believe I started sobbing. Okay, I can. I used to be a big crier but I got over it. Since I had Aidan, though, commercials about a boy eating cereal with his mom can make me cry (okay, I exaggerate...slightly)

Anyway, I ask the lady what she thinks I should do, should I still get on the plane, etc. I'm not sure why I thought this 20-something west jet employee would have all the answers, but I was so panicked that I didn't know what to do. She assured me that it was no big deal. Her co-worked laughed, "That won't be the last time he hurts himself! Hahaha!" I am not laughing, but I stop crying. And Aidan has stopped crying long ago.

Two seconds later, it's time to board. Another westjet employee helps me with my suitcase and tells me how her 16 month old son's head is covered in bumps, he is always hitting his head. Ahhh, how am I going to deal with Aidan learning to crawl/walk? He's going to hit his head constantly! Will I sob every time?

We get on the plane and prepare for departure. As per advice, I nurse Aidan on take-off, even though my row is full. I use the annoying breastfeeding cover. Aidan nurses for about 30 minutes and is pretty much asleep. I adjust him on my lap so that he is basically lying down across me. He sucks his soother for a looooong while with his eyes closed (half sleeping) and then sleeps for at least an hour without the soother. I'm thinking "this is too good to be true". He wakes up with about 2 hours left to go on the flight. He is happy. I am happy. He gets a little fussy, but not too bad. No real crying.

About 45 minutes before landing, I ask a flight attendant to warm up some milk I brought (hey, when I boarded someone told me to press the flight attendant button if I needed a bottle warmed). A different lady came to my seat. I have to say I can tell that she does not have children. Either that or she just hates her life and is a crank pot. I would like to take this opportunity to go off on a tangent. Since I had Aidan, I get more annoyed with things/people that aren't child friendly. I never noticed before how difficult it is to get around with a stroller. How are you supposed to open a door? Or carry your luggage at the airport?

Anyway, I gave the flight attendant my bottle and 2 bags of milk. She handed back the bottle and said, "I'll just warm these up and bring them back to you". Are you kidding me? Do you not SEE the child in my lap? How am I supposed to hold him and pour milk from a bag into a bottle without spilling it everywhere (I did do it, but I'm just saying...). I also told her they didn't need to be hot, just room temperature is fine. Her reply, "I can't guarantee the temperature...we only have hot water, not a microwave". Okay, obviously not a mom because all moms know you don't heat breastmilk in the microwave. The bags came back piping hot, which tells me she has never heated up milk before (not a mom). I'm glad I didn't need the bottle right away because I had to let it cool for at least 15 minutes. Maybe the real reasons I hate this woman were because a) she didn't smile b)Aidan had been fussy so I was more cranky.

We landed and my grandparents were waiting to meet me and meet their great grandson for the first time. We packed up the van and were on our way. At this point it was 6:30pm Calgary time, past Aidan's bedtime. He was okay at first and then....fuss. No big deal, right? But THEN...SCREEEEAM like I haven't heard him scream in a long time. I knew it was because he was over tired, but it still sucked because we were driving and there was nothing I could do. He eventually passed out and when we arrived at the house I threw his car seat in a back bedroom and closed the door. When my grandfather was giving me a tour of the house, he started to open the door to that room.."Noooooo...Aidan's sleeping in there!" Evidently, he didn't hear me, because he turned on the light and continued talking. Aidan woke up. But maybe he'd go back to sleep? No such luck.

Long story short (too late for that?), Aidan stayed awake and didn't fall asleep until 11:15pm Orlando time, 9:15pm Calgary time. It was rough getting him to sleep. I'm not sure what the night will bring, but hopefully he'll sleep until morning-ish. It might be a hard day or two....

Now it's midnight, and I'm sitting here waiting for my sister and parents to arrive. Or I might go to bed and see them in the morning......All in all, it was a good travelling experience and I'm happy to be here, although I wish my husband was here with us.

Slacking on the posts

I just thought I should write a post because I haven't for a while. I don't really have anything new going on. Aidan and I are going to Florida on Tuesday without Mike, which I am a little bit nervous about. My parents, sisters, brother, grandparents, nephew, and brother in law will all be there so I definitely won't be alone but obviously I'll be doing most of the Aidan Duty. Although I guess that's not too different from being at home.

It'll be Aidan's first plane trip. I did not buy him his own seat so he will be held the whole time. Any other moms have advice or tips? My biggest nightmare is him crying and crying, since he is used to sleeping in only 3 places - crib (mostly), car seat (sometimes), and swing (occasionally). I'm doubting whether he will sleep in my arms or not. When he was first born I was so worried about him only being able to fall asleep in my arms/swing, etc that I made sure he slept mostly in his crib or bassinet. We'll see how it goes! I'm sure I'll have some stories from the trip to post here but for now, nothing is too new or exciting in the world of Aidan and Mommy.

Love at first sight?

I thought I would write about the topic of loving your child as soon as he or she is born. Although I've already eluded to my feelings and experiences in this area, I thought I would write specifically about it in case there are other people who feel the way I felt.

Quite a few people I know are having babies or have recently had babies, and it seems they all instantly loved their child. Or at least that's what they say.....As you may recall from my labour and delivery story, when Aidan was born I was more interested in eating a sandwich than checking him out. This may sound bad, but it's the truth. It was an exciting time in a way, but not in a "I feel so fulfilled and complete" way. I'm not sure how to describe how I felt, but it definitely wasn't this crazy true love bliss feeling that supposedly people feel.

At first, I took care of Aidan as carefully as I could not out of love, but out of a sense of responsibility. He was (and still is) so helpless that I knew he relied on me to make sure he ate, bathed, had his diaper changed, etc. I tried my best to take really good care of him but it was out of obligation. I remember looking at him sometimes thinking, "How can anyone love their child right away? He doesn't even know I exist". My birthday came about 3 weeks after Aidan was born. When Mike wished me Happy Birthday, I started to cry - I'd forgotten it was my birthday and I knew it would be the worst birthday ever because I had to feed Aidan every 3 hours minimum, change him, care for him, etc. And he did NOT care that it was my birthday!

Now, before you think I'm a terrible mom, let me say that I did feel this strong feeling of attachment. It was hard for me to go out without Aidan. I would miss him in a weird way. Not in the way that I missed Mike or my family, but in a way like an addict missing my addiction. That's the only way I can describe it. I went to the grocery store on my own when Aidan was about 5 days old. A cashier there, who had seen me while pregnant, said "Ohhh, you had your baby! Where is the little one?" I had to fight back tears as I answered, "With his Dad". It was a very weird feeling.

I also did not like other people holding Aidan. I'd think I wanted them to but after about 30 seconds I would want him back. "No one can hold him as well as I can", I'd think. But again, this was not "love" as I had imagined a parent's love for a child, it was something else....

Slowly, things started to change. I spent a few nights at my sister's house when Aidan was almost 2 months old. At night, before going to sleep (for at most, 5 hours) he started to just lie in his bassinet and look around. What the heck?!?! He wasn't crying but actually looking around peacefully? Love started to grow in my heart.

A few days later, my sister made what we call "The Face" (a very crazy smiley face) to Aidan and he semi-smiled back. Love! She said something to him along the lines of, "If you knew that smiling is all you had to do to get what you want from your mommy, you would have done it a lot sooner". And it's true. Once Aidan began to recognize me as a person and not just a set of boobs, I began to feel love for him. But that was a few months after he was born.

I must say that, although Aidan's ability to smile was a big step forward, the thing that really changed our relationship was The Schedule. Aidan was not a good sleeper and he began to not nap very well as he became more aware of the world. This caused him to be over tired and not sleep well at night, either. When he finally started sleeping for 10+ hours, I finally started to REALLY love him. It's hard to love anyone when you're sleep deprived. He took regular naps, allowing me to exercise. This also improved my mood and allowed me some much-needed time to myself.

I know as a mom you are supposed to be selfless but my thought process has often included, "Why is he more important than me?" I know I need to take care of him, play with him, love him, etc but I also need to take care of myself and love myself. I can't be a good mom if I don't. I read in a book recently that something important to remember is, "Taking time for myself does not harm my child" and to repeat this to yourself a few times a day (can you tell I read a lot of books about babies?).

When I wasn't sleeping, exercising, barely finding time to shower, etc I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Now, I can give Aidan my best while he's awake and take more time for myself while he's asleep. And I can honestly say I love him with all my heart.

Crying Child

No pictures for this one - I've already posted the crying picture of Aidan so you'll just have to refer to that picture to get an image in your head.

So Aidan had a pretty good day today. He slept 12 1/2 hours last night, had 3 good naps, but when bedtime came....oh, man. He decided to scream for an hour and nothing would comfort him. It was like the old days, but the difference is I'm not used to it anymore and I can't stand it. I remember before he'd cry for an hour and that would be a good night. Now he cries for 5 minutes and I feel like it was hours.

I think most moms will know what I mean - when you hear your child cry, does your head start pounding and your heart start racing? I'm not talking about the little fussy crying, but the screaming-like-I'm-going-to-die crying. Maybe it's just me, but I've had people over and if Aidan is crying I cannot carry on any sort of conversation. I can't concentrate on anything and all I can think about is making the crying stop. This is where the evil images of hurting Aidan come into my head. They don't come right away, I think they have a 1/2 hour minimum cry time limit. But when they come, I hate myself and I hate Aidan and I hate everything. You'd better hope you're not calling me during a crying spell or I will hate you, too.

I was going to try to write this blog while he was crying, but it was useless. I became a useless, brainless being whose sole mission in life was to make my child go to sleep. I've read that crying does not affect men the same way, but when I see how Mike reacts I think these researchers are wrong.

Anyway, hopefully this crying spell was a one night thing. Actually, even if he does it tomorrow it's not that big of a deal because I have to work so someone else can comfort him. Someone with more patience.....

Labour and Delivery

Every mom's got a story - here's mine.

I woke up at about 4am on October 16, 2009, with a gush of liquid coming from between my legs. I thought my maybe my water broke, but I also thought maybe I was peeing - I stood up to smell the mattress. As the water continued to gush out, I realized the sniff test wasn't necessary - this was baby time. I shook Mike to wake him up "Mike, my water broke" and I don't actually remember what he said. Because I was strep-B positive, I needed to go to the hospital right away. I'm glad I didn't have to just wait around for labour to start.

My due date wasn't until November 1, and unlike everyone else who's pregnant, I was NOT anxious to meet my son. I would have been content for him to stay in there forever. As such, my hospital bag was not packed. I started packing my bag. Not rushed, but not taking my time either. I packed a few pairs of underwear (little did I know I'd need 50 pair for the amount of water gushing out of me), some clothes for Aidan, some comfy clothes for me, and of course snacks.

Luckily there wasn't much traffic (it was pretty early) and it didn't take long to get to the hospital. They gave me some pretty mesh hospital underwear (these are not actually pretty) and got me hooked up to some machines to monitor me. The nurse came in after a while to check the machines and told me I was 3 cm dilated, had I felt any contractions?

I was surprised - 3 cm dilated and I still hadn't felt any pain. Woo hoo! While she was in there she said, "Oh, you just had a contraction, did you feel it?" I had not felt anything. This experience made me excited, thinking maybe I'd deliver the baby and never feel a thing! How naive of me.

The first (and maybe most?) painful moment came soon after - I had to get an IV. This was not enjoyable AT ALL. I'd never had one before, and it really hurt to get that needle put in. The pain is supposed to go away, but it hurt the whole time. Maybe I'm just a big wimp, but it killed me. As a side story, I remember getting blood taken during my pregnancy. It was the first time I'd ever had blood taken and I told the woman that I was scared. Her comfort was, "Oh, honey, you're going to feel much worse pain than this before your baby is born!" I was not comforted. I cried.

Shortly after that, I was whisked to the delivery room where I was given pitocin to speed up the process. All that was left to do was sit back and wait for the pain. I read the paper while chatting with Mike and listening to music. I talked on the phone with my family. My thoughts - "Pfft, labour is easy".

I asked Mike for a snack. During my prenatal class, the instructor had informed us that you used to not be allowed snacks during labour but, HURRAY, Alberta had recently changed the rules and you were now allowed to eat and drink. When I asked for the Arrowroot (baby cookie), the nurse that was in the room turned to me immediately, "You're not allowed to eat". WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT??? I know I've written before about my love affair with food, but only those that know me well will understand just how important food is to me. Or even if you don't know me well, if you've ever tried to steal some of my snacks (as I bring snacks with me pretty much every where I go) then you know how seriously I take my food.

After some discussion, the nurse told me that if I was starving I could have something. So I told her I was starving. I was allowed some toast and juice.

At about 10:30 am, I went to the bathroom. All of a sudden I felt really bad period cramps. I seriously did not clue in that it was a contraction, because it really felt just like period cramps. A few minutes after that (felt like a few seconds) the cramps returned, only more intensely. My sister had delivered her baby only 2 weeks ago and her words of wisdom rang in my ears, "Get the epidural". As soon as a nurse came in I said "I'm going to want the epidural". I think I went through about a half hour of contractions before the anesthesiologist finally came and gave me my needle. Our prenatal class (and lots of books) had made epidurals seem evil and unnatural, but I could still feel the contractions, they just didn't hurt as much. I have no regrets.

When it came time to push, I was not prepared. I felt like I had just started having contractions and all of a sudden it was time to have a baby! Luckily, I had been warned about 2 very important things - I would probably poop while pushing, and I would probably tear (I was more scared about tearing than anything else, which seems so silly now). As I pushed (which actually hurt) I kept asking "Did I poop?" I knew I probably would, but I was still ashamed.

Finally, the pushing was over and Aidan was out! He was being weighed and measured, etc while Mike took videos and pictures. My first question "Did I tear?" Yes, I did, but I only needed 2 stitches. Apparently pretty much all first time moms tear (this is a warning to all of you women without children, because I didn't know this before I was pregnant). A nurse came to me, "You're allowed to eat now. Would you like a sandwich?" At first I said no, but then two seconds later - "What kinds of sandwiches do you have?" I chowed down while Mike played the role of proud parent. I honestly did not feel whatever it is you're supposed to feel - overwhelmed, overjoyed? I just felt hungry. I don't think I really clued in to what was going on.

So that's my birth story. Aidan was born at about 3:15pm so I had about 5 hours of contractions/pushing. Honestly, it was not bad at all. I think God did this so that I would be willing to have another child. I'm sure the next time won't be so easy. Or maybe it will. I can only hope.

Decisions, Decisions

Reason to go back to work:




















Reason to stay home:


















Okay, there's another reason to go back to work: money. I'm still struggling with what to do, hopefully I'll figure it out before September.

Blog coming soon: my labour and delivery story. Don't worry, there won't be any gross pictures.