Transition Period

I remember when Aidan was first born and the weekend came - after working Monday to Friday for a few years, I subconsciously assumed that I would be sleeping in on Saturday, even with a baby. This did not happen. I remember thinking, "Oh, right, I don't get to sleep in anymore" but even then it hadn't really hit me. It is only recently that I've started to realize that I don't get to quit this job....ever.....

As all moms know, taking care of a child is extremely tiring and draining. I'm beginning to realize more and more just how draining and tiring it is. I used to think that if I could figure out a way to make money and stay at home, I'd be happy and relaxed. HAHAHA I am home right now and definitely not relaxed! Then I kept thinking that if I go back to work, then life would get easier. I would get out of the house and have a break, but now I realize how difficult that would be.

So, the bottom line is, I've come to the realization that being a mom is a lot of work, no matter what you do. I can take a break now and then, go out for dinner with friends or get some exercise while someone else watches Aidan, but I am always, always the mom. A little while ago, Mike and I went out for drinks and decided to leave Aidan with Mike's sister for the night. I thought this would be a great break for us, and that we might even sleep in. I didn't realize the separation anxiety I would feel. When we got home at midnight and went to bed, I wanted to peek in at our sleeping son but he wasn't there. I woke up at 5am and kept wondering if he was awake yet and when Linda would be bringing him down. So much for a break! I wonder if all moms feel this way when they are away from their child and if this lessens as their baby gets older?

Aidan has slept through the night more or less since he was 3 months old, usually about 12 hours. But do I sleep through the night? Why is it that becoming a mom permeates your life so much that you can't relax, even when you're sleeping? Hopefully I'll figure out a better balance as time goes on, because I am exhausted these days.