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Baby Weight

I know I already posted this morning, but I didn't start this blog until Aidan was 4 months old so I have a lot of catching up to do.





So....baby weight. Or I-pigged-out-during-my-pregnancy weight. Whatever you want to call it, it sucks.





For the first few months of my pregnancy, I still ate fairly healthy and hardly gained any weight. Obviously, the baby wasn't growing that much either so I shouldn't have gained any weight. Because my weight gain was slow, I decided I should help it along by eating ice cream every day for about a month. That month I gained 10 lbs. Okay, still not that big of a deal, I could get it under control still.





As I got bigger and bigger, I was less able to move around and ended up pretty much sitting around. It didn't help that is was summer vacation so I was barely even working (waitressing 1-2 days a week). I remember when I first got pregnant and was worried about gaining weight, people said not to worry. Some moms use pregnancy as an excuse to eat and eat so as long as I didn't do that I would be fine. "Oh, I won't do that", I thought.





Little did I know that a love affair with food and the excuse of being pregnant is a deadly combination. Aidan was born in October and I remember going to Superstore before he was born and buying a 100 pack of mini chocolate bars that were out for Halloween and eating the whole box myself (with some help from Mike...) and going back for another 100 count box, which also disappeared before Aidan's birth. In the end, I had gained about 40lbs. I wasn't too worried, though. I was planning to breastfeed, which I'd been told helps the weight "just melt right off" (lies, lies).





A week or two after Aidan had been born, I'd lost about 20 lbs of the 40lbs I'd gained. This still put me up 20 lbs but I wasn't worried. I was breastfeeding! The weight would just disappear! One problem - I'd heard that you are supposed to eat more when you're breastfeeding and, since I love food sooooo much, I didn't mind making sure my portions were extra large or that I had tons of snacks. I stopped eating junk (chocolate, ice cream, etc) except for a treat now and then, but I definitely still ate A LOT. I didn't lose one more pound. I was still 20 lbs overweight when Aidan was 3 1/2 months. I worked out now and then, went for walks, but realistically I needed to cut back on what I was eating. This photo was taken a few weeks after Aidan was born, even though I still look 5 months prego.





Fate intervened. I got a really bad stomach flu about a week ago and everything that was in me left one way or another. I lost 10 lbs in one day. I have since gained back about 5lbs but...overall weight loss, 5 more lbs! This jump start has really helped. Because I couldn't eat for a few days, my stomach doesn't hold those large portions I had previously been cramming down my throat. I'm not so worried about my breast milk because I'm pretty sure I don't need to eat like a pig to make enough milk. I now allow myself to get hungry. I still have a way to go. My body may never be the same (especially my boobs, but that's another story) but I'm not as worried about the weight because I know it will come off eventually if I actually put in some effort.





As a side note, when I was really sick I wasn't producing as much milk and now I have to give Aidan a bottle of formula every night. At first I was nursing him first and then giving him the bottle to make sure he got enough, but that ended quickly when his bedtime feed went from 30 minutes to up to 90 minutes. I have mixed feelings about this - at least I still get to nurse him in the day. I never knew that nursing would become such a special thing for me, but it has. The plus side about the bottle - Mike (or anyone) can be the one to feed him so I can go out at night and he eats the bottle soooo much faster. He can down 8-10oz in about 10 minutes. The downside - the lactation nazis has drilled into my head the breast is best and formula is evil so sometimes I feel a little guilty. I didn't mind giving him a bottle now and then so I could have a few drinks or go out for an evening, but I always pumped to keep my supply up and felt good knowing that I could always feed Aidan myself. Now I don't think I have enough milk anymore, so I'm dependent on a bottle and formula. But is that a big deal, really? So far it hasn't been, but why is formula so expensive?? I can't imagine if all of Aidan's meals were formula, I'd go broke just feeding him.





One last thing - some new moms look so amazing, I wonder how they did it. At my "Mommy and Me" class, I mentioned that I was surprised how long it was taking to lose the baby weight. Was anyone else struggling with this? I was met with silence. What the heck?!?! Am I the only one still in my maternity clothes?!? Apparently. I finally broke down and bought some bigger clothes, and I feel 10x better about myself going in public, but I think I'll feel 100x better when I finally shed this last 15 lbs. I'd be happy with 10 to be honest!

Judgmental Mom

I was reading a book about motherhood and the author started talking about "judgy moms". She said, "You know the kind, the ones that give you an evil look as you hand your toddler their third oreo". As I read this, I thought "I'd judge someone for giving their child 3 oreos!!" I always knew I was a bit judgmental, but this is when I realized that I am VERY judgmental, and I thought back to all the things I think are "wrong" and judge others for doing.

When Aidan was first born, I decided that I wasn't going to use a pacifier because I didn't want it to become a habit. I judged those that used one. When his crying got to me, I decided we could use one, but only until 3 months because, according to many "expert" opinions, 3 months is the magic age where pacifier use becomes a problem. I judged those that used a pacifier past 3 months. Well, after a few nights of crying, I shoved that soother in his mouth and he instantly closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep. Now I'm not sure what I'll do and I don't judge anyone using a pacifier for their baby.

I've read in a million books that TV can interfere with infant's brain development so I would get annoyed with Mike (or anyone) when they would face Aidan towards the TV to get him to stop crying. When people would sit and watch TV with their infants, I would judge them.

There are a lot of things that I don't judge - formula vs breastfeeding (although before I had Aidan, I thought everyone could breastfeed and those that didn't were just lazy), family bed vs own crib, stay at home vs working mom, but there are way more things that I think I know what's "best". This is hard for me to admit, but I really want to work on it so I thought I'd share just in case there are other moms who struggle with this.

The ironic thing is, I get frustrated with other moms who judge me for putting my son on a schedule yet I judge them for things.

I know if I continue this way, I'll be super overprotective and Aidan will grow up judging others. My hope is that he learns from his father's example and not mine in this area. I also hope that I can stop judging others so harshly and realize that there's not always a "right" and "wrong" when it comes to parenting. That's why so many experts have conflicting opinions!

If you read this, I hope you don't judge me for judging. Being a mom is hard enough without having others look down on what you're doing, as I need to remind myself more often.

Marital Bliss

Usually what goes on in a relationship is private, but I feel that the changes going on are part of my new role as a mommy so I want to write about it.







For the delivery, Mike was the perfect partner. He didn't drive like a maniac on the way to the hospital, he offered words of encouragement during the labour, and took many proud daddy photos of our newborn. For the first week or so, I felt like we were in it together. Neither of us knew exactly what to do and we took turns consoling Aidan when he was upset. Mike helped me with nursing, getting me pillows and propping Aidan on them so I was comfortable.







Slowly, things changed. As Mike went off to work each day I was left with Aidan. Because Mike had to work, I did all the night wakings for the most part. To me, this seemed fair and was actually my suggestion. After several sleep deprived nights, I stopped thinking rationally. I clearly remember nursing Aidan in the middle of the night (3am ish?) and looking over at "daddy" sleeping. My thoughts - "I may as well just be a single mom. What's the difference, for the help I get?" Obviously if I were a single mom I would not be able to stay at home with Aidan in the day, I would not live in our nice house, I wouldn't get any breaks from childcare etc etc but lack of sleep makes your brain malfunction.







Every time Aidan would have a crying spell, I would look to my husband and blame him. It was so irrational and I knew it, but I couldn't help it. Aidan would be screaming and screaming, Mike would come in to take him for me and give me a break, and I would get mad at him. I was actually angry with Aidan but you can't take out your anger on a helpless infant.







Fast forward a few weeks. Aidan isn't crying as much, but I am obsessed with keeping him on his schedule. I become the "expert" and hubby becomes "the idiot who knows nothing". Anytime he'd do anything with Aidan, I'd question him. "Why did you bring him downstairs??" "Why did you take him out of his swing???" "Why did you change his diaper???" If I thought he didn't help before, my constant criticism was not improving the situation.







When I look at it objectively, Mike is a great Dad. He plays with Aidan and makes him laugh in a way I can't (I'm jealous, I admit it) and times that he's super fussy he will hold him until he calms down. But when I'm in the middle of it, anything that goes wrong becomes his fault. We became the cliche, arguing over who's job was more difficult. "At least you get breaks at work" "At least you can nap in the day when Aidan naps", etc.







I think everyone goes through an adjustment period after their first child is born, but maybe it's taboo to talk about it. Things are improving for us, but I am definitely more aware of why having a child can ruin a relationship. Of course we argued before, but we didn't have lack of sleep and lack of time making the "discussions" more intense. In the end, I think our relationship will come out stronger but for now we are still in the process of learning how to make it work. And I think I'm the one who has the most learning to do, if I don't want my hubby to give up helping me since he can't do anything right!

A Change in Schedule

This post is going to be about what's happening right now instead of those early days, although I do enjoy reliving them.

So the book that I have been basing everything on says that baby's schedule should change around 4 months and Aidan seemed ready so today I started the new schedule. It's pretty much what I think most people do - 12 hours at night, a morning nap, an afternoon nap, and maybe a short nap a little later. He adjusted perfectly! He went for both naps easily, and even went to bed at 5:45pm without a fuss. I'm so happy, sitting here at 6pm and knowing I am off duty. Obviously I love Aidan (now....) but it's definitely nice to have some time to myself.

Yesterday was kind of rough for me...I've started working part time and yesterday I worked from 2pm-11pm. How will I ever go back to work full time and be away from Aidan 5 days a week? I know the stay at home mom vs working mom is a big debate, and I always thought I'd be a working mom but now I'm really struggling. We can't really afford for me to stay home full time, but I'm thinking I might work part time or substitute teach so my schedule is more flexible. Aidan just seems so young, I can't imagine dropping him off at a day care but maybe over the next few months things will change. Does anyone have any thoughts to share on this topic? I'm about 6 months away from going back to work and I know it will fly by. Hopefully I'll feel more ready by then. If not, I guess we'll sell our house. Just kidding....sort of.....

Feeding On Demand

So any new mom (and some older ones, too) probably know that every public health nurse, lactation consultant, doctor, etc will instruct you to feed your child on demand. This means that when they seem hungry, you feed them. In theory this should work well, and maybe it does for many others. For me, I found that I never knew for sure if Aidan was crying if he was hungry or what, so I ended up feeding him allllll the time.

I decided to try breastfeeding, not because I'm a hardcore advocate for it but mainly because it's free and seemed easier than getting bottles ready. I was really lucky and after a few days and public health nurse visits, Aidan and I knew how to nurse well. He had a good latch and I knew how to hold him while working the remote or telephone with my free hand.

So nursing was going well. The only problem was that every time Aidan cried, we assumed he was hungry. I ended up feeding him very often. It didn't help that popular literature say you should be feeding your newborn 8-12 times a day (sometimes every 2 hours for 24 hours a day???). Before long I had an over supply of milk, boobs constantly leaking, and a very very fussy baby. I had been pumping every day so that I could have some freedom once in a while. I remember tearfully talking to the public health nurse, asking, "When can I put him on a feeding schedule?" Foolish me, I thought all children went on schedules. I remember from my babysitting days the parents saying, "He eats around this time, then naps around this time" etc. I don't ever remember hearing, "Watch for signs that he's hungry, watch for when he gets sleepy". You have to really know a child before you can tell these things.

Anyway, the public health nurse told me, "ooooh" *judgemental tone* "we don't really recommend putting babies on schedules. He'll start eating solids around 6 months and then you'll notice things change" whatever that's supposed to mean. I was terrified....6 months of being a constant buffet? She also consulted me on ways to get my milk supply to calm down, but none of her suggestions included feeding him less often.

There was a defining moment in our nursing relationship. One night, Aidan was on the boob from 9pm-12am. That was the day that everything changed. I remember thinking, "This is ridiculous. No baby needs to eat for 3 hours straight" and I decided that, from then on, I would only feed him every 3 hours. If he ate at 9am, I would not feed him again until 12pm. I just decided this on my own. Most books I'd read said a baby needs to eat every 3 hours so I knew he wouldn't be starving. He could eat until he was full, but then I would not feed him again until at least 3 hours had passed.

The change only took a day. The first day, he cried but I forced him to wait to eat. From then on, he was a happier baby and didn't choke every time he was nursing. I've found I need to keep the fact that I'm not feeding on demand to myself at times. I took Aidan in to get weighed and they found he was in the 75th percentile for weight. I told the nurse that I had been concerned because I only feed him 5 times a day so I was glad he was still gaining weight properly. As soon as I told her how often I feed him, she immediately told me I need to feed him more often - at least every 2 1/2 - 3 hours in the day. His weight was not a concern, so why would I need to feed him more often? All this took place before I started "The Schedule" (see last blog), but it was a beginning to the desire to have more structure in our lives.

Aidan now eats 4 times a day and is thriving. And so am I. Feeding on demand was not for me and I believe it was not best for my baby, either. It allows me the freedom to go out and know I have so much time before I need to worry about feeding Aidan again. It's very liberating. Feeding on demand may work for a lot of moms, but you have to do what works for you.

The Schedule

Now that Aidan is peacefully napping across the room from me, it's hard to remember that not too long ago this would typically be the time of day that he'd already been crying for hours with many more to come.

When Aidan was about 6 weeks old, he hit that terrible time where nothing would calm him. Having already been sleep deprived for six weeks, getting 5-6 hours in a row at the very most (on the best, happiest nights) I was going crazy and had images in my head of throwing Aidan against the wall (not that I'd actually do it). My friend's mom told me how she had put her daughter on a schedule based on a book called My First 300 babies. One night, I left Aidan crying in his crib because I just couldn't listen to him anymore and looked up the book on Amazon.com. I read all the reviews and saw that almost 100% of the readers gave it 5 stars and said it changed their lives. I ordered the book on the spot and vowed to do whatever it said.

The book arrived about December 20, right around Christmas. This book is written many years ago so it suggests some things I wouldn't do, like tummy sleeping and solids at 4 months, but the basic idea is creating a predictable schedule for mommy and baby so that you can know what to expect. The mantra of the book seems to be "Babies are unpredictable, it's how we respond that matters".

So, over Christmas, when he was 2 1/2 months old, I trained Aidan to follow this schedule. My family was visiting and I think it was a lot harder on them to hear Aidan cry than it was on me. I got some criticism that Aidan's bedtime was too early - 6:30pm. The very first day I put Aidan on the schedule, he napped when he was supposed to and continued to have a very long nap (2 1/2 hours) every day at the scheduled time. He doesn't always do it now, but most days he does. After 5 nights of crying, he also adjusted to the bedtime and would sleep from 6:30pm until 4:30am. He now sleeps until 6am.

Putting Aidan on a schedule changed my life. It means I can't always go out whenever I want, but it also means that I get my evenings to myself and a full night's sleep, as long as I go to bed early enough myself. Aidan also cries a lot less and seems a lot happier. A lot of people are against putting their babies on a schedule but for me it has made me love my son when before I was crying most days and didn't know how to cope. I definitely was not one of those moms who love their babies at first sight. The lack of sleep was getting to me, not to mention the constant nursing. But I'll save that topic for another blog.