Feeding On Demand

So any new mom (and some older ones, too) probably know that every public health nurse, lactation consultant, doctor, etc will instruct you to feed your child on demand. This means that when they seem hungry, you feed them. In theory this should work well, and maybe it does for many others. For me, I found that I never knew for sure if Aidan was crying if he was hungry or what, so I ended up feeding him allllll the time.

I decided to try breastfeeding, not because I'm a hardcore advocate for it but mainly because it's free and seemed easier than getting bottles ready. I was really lucky and after a few days and public health nurse visits, Aidan and I knew how to nurse well. He had a good latch and I knew how to hold him while working the remote or telephone with my free hand.

So nursing was going well. The only problem was that every time Aidan cried, we assumed he was hungry. I ended up feeding him very often. It didn't help that popular literature say you should be feeding your newborn 8-12 times a day (sometimes every 2 hours for 24 hours a day???). Before long I had an over supply of milk, boobs constantly leaking, and a very very fussy baby. I had been pumping every day so that I could have some freedom once in a while. I remember tearfully talking to the public health nurse, asking, "When can I put him on a feeding schedule?" Foolish me, I thought all children went on schedules. I remember from my babysitting days the parents saying, "He eats around this time, then naps around this time" etc. I don't ever remember hearing, "Watch for signs that he's hungry, watch for when he gets sleepy". You have to really know a child before you can tell these things.

Anyway, the public health nurse told me, "ooooh" *judgemental tone* "we don't really recommend putting babies on schedules. He'll start eating solids around 6 months and then you'll notice things change" whatever that's supposed to mean. I was terrified....6 months of being a constant buffet? She also consulted me on ways to get my milk supply to calm down, but none of her suggestions included feeding him less often.

There was a defining moment in our nursing relationship. One night, Aidan was on the boob from 9pm-12am. That was the day that everything changed. I remember thinking, "This is ridiculous. No baby needs to eat for 3 hours straight" and I decided that, from then on, I would only feed him every 3 hours. If he ate at 9am, I would not feed him again until 12pm. I just decided this on my own. Most books I'd read said a baby needs to eat every 3 hours so I knew he wouldn't be starving. He could eat until he was full, but then I would not feed him again until at least 3 hours had passed.

The change only took a day. The first day, he cried but I forced him to wait to eat. From then on, he was a happier baby and didn't choke every time he was nursing. I've found I need to keep the fact that I'm not feeding on demand to myself at times. I took Aidan in to get weighed and they found he was in the 75th percentile for weight. I told the nurse that I had been concerned because I only feed him 5 times a day so I was glad he was still gaining weight properly. As soon as I told her how often I feed him, she immediately told me I need to feed him more often - at least every 2 1/2 - 3 hours in the day. His weight was not a concern, so why would I need to feed him more often? All this took place before I started "The Schedule" (see last blog), but it was a beginning to the desire to have more structure in our lives.

Aidan now eats 4 times a day and is thriving. And so am I. Feeding on demand was not for me and I believe it was not best for my baby, either. It allows me the freedom to go out and know I have so much time before I need to worry about feeding Aidan again. It's very liberating. Feeding on demand may work for a lot of moms, but you have to do what works for you.